To those faithful viewers or those who bothered to check my blog regularly would have noticed I haven’t written a single new topic for months now…It’s funny, I wasn’t short of eventful moments in this past summer which I could have drawn a big topic from…In the beginning of this year, I had a sense that this year something major would happen to me, and I think I realized today what that is…It isn’t an outside change but a change within myself, in the core of who I thought I was…I started this blog, thinking it would be a place to express my thoughts and feeling, but I don’t think that was the whole reason…I feel as if I have been looking for understanding more than viewing eye for my materials…My school of thought has always been if you are honest about what you are feeling and yourself then people would have a chance to understand you and where you coming from…But the journey hasn’t panned out quiet that way…It worked out better, I have learned that in chasing a need to be understood by others I have lost sight of understanding myself….Now it is time to pursue me and what makes me happy away from everything and everyone I have used as a crutch…It would be hard to silence my outer-voice in order to hear my inner-voice but it is something that would be vital for me to do, to survive…As I write my last post here I wanted to say thanks for the opportunity to be heard and Goodbye…Khadra
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Second Revelation
On my second scheduled counseling session, I have discovered something new about words I have used interchangeably without notice before…Throughout my journey of creating lasting friends and what not I have always been accused often of having too high of expectation from people…And because of that I was doomed to have no friends at all in the end unless I was to change my standards…I am too stubborn to change now so it’s a mute point…But to go back to what i have learned in my session is that I really don’t have high expectation I just have values and look to people with similar high values…I never made the connection before between expectations and values and in a way it made be realize why I have always found it so important not to back down on my stands…Values like honesty, integrity, word of honor, respect are essential for me and when I thought of them as mere expectations, I was left at times questioning myself…But now looking at them as values to live by and to seek in others, it doesn’t matter anymore what people think or say…They either have it or they don’t…bee bye, Khadra
Jan. 30, 2007
It’s Tuesday, and as odd it may seem, for me it’s the first official day of work week…Monday, I spend about 9 to 10 hours at my externship, doing a lot of work for no monetary gains but the experience, so it doesn’t count as work day…Afterward I hit the gym so that I don’t ache the next day from standing those long hours…And the class I join at the gym is really fun I don’t notice the hour passing…Of course I get to hang out with my friend while shaking everything I got like my life depended on it…So back to Tuesday, it’s not so bad to start your work week on this day, you almost feel like you got five days of work and you realize oh it’s only 4 days of work…So for now it’s just sipping cappuccino and enjoying the slow pace of the morning…For all the workers out there, have a nice day…bee bye, Khadra
Alone vs. Lonely
Often people interchange these two words as if they mean the same thing…Alone to me means by yourself (physical being) where as lonely refers to more to an emotional state…A person can be one without being the other…For example, you are hanging out with someone but you feel so lonely or vice-vursa you are alone but not lonely…Which one are we afraid of more being alone or being lonely?…Is it better to be with someone and feel lonely still than to be without anyone and lonely?…I think being able to define our feelings more accurately might help us heal better…bee bye
Jury Duty
I have been thinking about jury duty a lot lately and can’t really know for sure why…I have never served on one before but I am a citizen and probably would be summoned some day…My mother has been several times now never chosen though…But i have always been curious about what it would feel like having such a major responsibility on one’s shoulder…Trying to make the effort to not judge a person on their persona in court but more by the evidence provided to you…Putting your trust in someone who you don’t know telling you that this is the evidence as accurate as possible or un-bias…Sitting there trying to decipher whether someone is telling you the truth or lying…I mean how good are we really at reading people these days!!…Would I be the juror who is making sure we make the best decision or the one who makes the decision quickly!….Anyone served on a jury before, would love to hear about what it felt like, if they wish to share it…bee bye
15 minutes of Fame somali style
This past Saturday I was chilling with my friends at their home and having fun…And then my friend decided to show me this “funny video” on you-tube…I have only recently heard of you-tube, i know you thinking “where have you been”, but it is hard to keep up with these changing cyber times…I mean one website is the rage for all couple of months and suddenly the herd is moving along to the next best thing…Anyways, back to the story, my friend shows me this video called “walking it out” or something like that…The video begins with this two Somali females, you can’t guess their age at first, because the video picture quality isn’t great and the girls have their faces covered…They start speaking, in something suppose to sound like Somali, but hardly clear or understandable in my opinion…And then the mayhem begins sorry i meant the dancing begins…It was funny i would admit I had chuckled and they weren’t bad dancer or re-created the choreography from the video accurately…But I couldn’t help but shake my head at our Somali youth especially the girls…I have yet in that place to see a Somali female, whether dancing hip-hop music or shaking her ass to “niiko” music, show her face while getting her 15 minutes of fame on the cyber world…It seems the battle rages on between being famous and being Somali subject to certain rules…To our young girls, does it really matter more what Somali people would think of you seeing your video on you-tube to what Allah sees you do…I think if a woman gets the guts to put a video like the one I recently saw they should also have the guts to put their faces to it…Only super-heroes can hide their faces and identities…The 15 minutes fame seekers aren’t in the same league.
Few Words
It’s hard for me at this moment to write my first article because I have silenced my voice for a long time and it would probably take me a while to bring myself out of my isoloation…I wanted to first and foremost to thank Shafi, who has inspired me, to make a place for myself to express my thoughts and run away from my demons (not too many)…But I think I wanted a place where I can see myself and recognize myself and hopefully look back later in life and be able to see my history and legacy…I hope to not disspoint myself…Khadra
