Well it’s Monday evening and I am still at work at 7:18 pm, so in these last few minutes before 8 pm I felt the need to write something down..So I thought for this time out I would talk about Marriage…If you are like myself, someone who is from a country in Africa and past the age of 20 years old, you have been under siege for a time now…It’s weird how strangers would ask me about my marriage or the lack of it and whether there are a potentials or not as opposed to my family (including uncles and aunts of both sides) leaving me to my own decisions…Last night, I was watching a film called “just married” and the movie was about two people who are involved in arrange marriage and their effort to get to know each others while on their honeymoon…Some people are lucky in that they get married without knowing each other and once they know each other they are compatible and work well together…And then there are those who get married thinking they know each other and they have no clue and their true personalities come out in the marriage…So i did a reach trying to figure out what is the best way to make a marriage succeed through Islamic means and others…In my Islamic research part, I was able to find the women’s role in a marriage and the type of the relationship she should aim to have with her husband…It didn’t give me an idea of what things would be good things to look for in a mate when making this serious commitment…I have found a book called “Falling in love for all the Right Reasons” written by the founder of e-Harmony, those in America would be familiar with that name, which the author discuses dimensions a person can use to determine whether a person is the right “soul-mate”…Alright those of you snicking at that term just simmer down…I thought it was really a good read, things for those of you, who are looking forward to getting married to get ideas of things that are important for them to discuss with their potential mate…If any of my readers have been through choosing a mate or anyone considering settling down and they have a list they use, I would definitely like to hear from real people and real experiences…take care, bee by Khadra
citizentito said,
May 1, 2007 @ 7:59 pm
I think marriages will work out whether arranged or not but its the commitment and how much of it that is needed to keep the marriage going.some pple just give up on it while some pple hold on to it.At one time,every marriage tends to be tested and its in those crucial times that decides the out come results of it,of course commitment being the sole strength of a marriage.
khadraworld said,
May 2, 2007 @ 12:29 pm
I agree with you citizen, but you know what i think, the commitment made by the two people in the marriage should be equal…I think if one person’s commitment is higher or more exhibited than the other partner, then it would create a friction…I guess what I am trying to say is that both partners should have a the same vision toward their commitment…Take care, bee bye Khadra
khadraworld said,
May 22, 2007 @ 4:48 pm
I heard of a program, islamic one that is, where couples intending to wed would go for counseling before the marriage ceremony…I wasn’t aware large Somali communities had such programs to compate the huge divorce rate experienced in Somali communities living in Western world…Anyone knows someone who might have been to such community program? I would love to hear first hand experience on this subject…Thanks, Khadra
rooble said,
May 12, 2008 @ 10:06 am
Well, nice read Khadra and thanks for bringing up this issue.
Whatever we try and whatever we read marriage is a mysterious thing and people getting married are mysterious too. Both men and women are not well-known until they get married and share the life. I’ve witnesses lots of young couples who have been together for years but couldn’t keep their marriage for one year or even less.
People act during the relationship, they act something they are not then once they are there everybody brings his/her true colors which can be good or can be bad.
I agree with Khadra that commitment should be equal but still people argue the level of the commitment or if this commitment is really happening rather than it being verbal.
Marriage is not for love, is not fir kids, is not for sharing life, is not for sex and is not for money. I can say it is for all and one should respect everything that is keeping the family. Marriage can succeed to continue without LOVE and it is happening coz of other considerations.